Turkey Hunting Humble Pie

I’ve had turkey fixed about every way you can fix it. It’s all good,… except one way – a big heaping helping of turkey hunting humble pie. I hate that stuff! This past weekend during youth season we had it all covered – new ground blind, all varieties of turkey calls, great looking decoys, and a great place to hunt. The turkeys, however, weren’t let in on the plan. They did not cooperate…or they cooperated too well, depending on your point of view.

My cousin, Lance, and his 8 year old daughter, Lydia, hunted with my son Alex and me at our farm for the youth turkey season weekend. Our camper was set up beside the old farmhouse. We had all the camp necessities – hot dogs, soda, candy, and chips. We had all the right equipment – ipods, cell phones, hand held movie players…(I don’t know the correct name for these things…PS2 player maybe?), anyway, they kids were ready to go.

The night before opening morning, after a 10:30 pm camp hot dog, we went out to set up the ground blind in the pitch black of night in the food plot next to the turkeys we had roosted. Opening morning found us all four in the blind at the first crack of light. We heard several gobblers gobbling from the roost; however they weren’t as close as we had thought. After approximately an hour of calling, it was decided that Alex and I would take a trip to the other side of the farm. That is when the ingredients of the turkey hunting humble pie began to come together. Just as we made it to the road leading from the food plot, a large gobbler hidden in the brush in the opposite corner of the food plot, decided to bug-out. He had been coming to our calling but hadn’t made a peep in return. That disgusted, sick feeling crept over me. Sometimes in turkey hunting one chance is all you get.

After getting to the other side of the farm Alex and I, in one of our favorite ambush sites, crouched down to call without putting out the decoys and locating ourselves in good tactical positions…turkey hunting tip #1 - NEVER call without expecting a turkey to answer right on top of you. This was the second ingredient of the bitter turkey hunting humble pie recipe. As we were standing in the corner of a field, up on a knoll in the wide-open woods, a gobbler answered not 75 yards from where we were standing. We immediately dropped to the ground. Alex was between my legs and we were sitting with no backrest in the middle of a briar patch. The gobbler flipped on his gobble switch and it was stuck on ‘gobble’. As he was coming in and answering our every call, we could hear him walking in the leaves just under the knoll on which we were located. Just then, in the distance we began hearing a helicopter. As the helicopter got closer and closer it also got louder and louder and the gobbler shut up, or we just couldn’t hear him over the noise. It flew directly over our heads just a couple hundred feet off the ground. It felt as though the ground was shaking!

After the ground finally stopped moving and the noise subsided there was no sign of our gobbler. A few minutes went by but we still could not hear him walking or gobbling (…maybe because our ears were ringing…). After a few more minutes of sitting up without a backrest and Alex leaning on me, my back began to scream. Then Alex whispered, “Dad, there he is!” As I looked frantically down the fence from where he had previously been coming I asked, “Where? I don’t see him.” As only fate would have it, the crazy thing was on my blind side (One-Eyed Hillbilly), directly to our right, forty yards from us! We were pointed in the wrong direction, sitting with no backrest, standing out like a sore thumb, and with no way to move. The gobbler began clucking and walking directly away from us. Defeat snatched from the jaws of victory. This turkey hunting humble pie was being force fed with helicopters.

The final ingredient to our weekend recipe of turkey hunting humble pie came the second morning. Again, we had roosted the turkeys, again we had a battle plan, and again we were ready to get started. Nothing would stop us today…until Alex, as he sat there in the camper on the edge of his bed getting dressed said, “I hear a turkey gobbling.” I told him he was crazy. It was 5:30 am and he was still in the camper. If he heard a turkey gobbling it would have to be within 75 yards of the old farmhouse and camper. I opened up the door to the camper and “GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOOBLE!” There were two turkeys roosted within 75 yards of the house! We immediately began bumbling and falling all over each other in a mad rush to get dressed! The turkeys were so close that we didn’t know how we could get out of the camper without being seen.

First thought would be to think that this was a stroke of good luck; however it was actually the third and last ingredient in the humble pie. First of all our carefully crafted battle plan for the two groups of hunters for the day had to be scrapped. Second, we had no prior knowledge of the roosted birds so close to the house and thus, no good plans and tactics for taking advantage of the situation. With campers, houses, tractors, trucks, barns, and well houses blocking every route, there was no good approach for this unforeseen opportunity. We had to sneak through the farmhouse back yard, through the woods, and over to the trail leading to the food plot and set up our decoys. The two gobblers were gobbling about every thirty seconds. I heard one fly down and gobble on the ground. Then, just as I had suspected, the two turkeys retreated directly away from the direction of all the structures, roads, and vehicles, gobbling the whole time as they went. They wanted the hen we were representing to follow them however they weren’t about to come toward us. It was a bitter lesson in futility. Humble pie served up cold and dry.

With youth season over we now will place all our hopes in the Missouri regular turkey season, Monday, April 19 – Sunday, May 7. My youngest son, Coleman is turning 6 years old on April 12, so he will be in the ground blind with us. I hope he is a good luck charm since Alex and I can’t stomach any more turkey hunting humble pie. I hope you get the opportunity to take a child to the woods this turkey season. Even when eating humble pie it is one of the most enjoyable experiences of which you will ever be a part. It is also an experience to set a child in motion down the path of a rewarding life in the Great Outdoors. So says the One-Eyed Hillbilly. Good luck, be safe, and get a big one.